This week has been hard, people. I’ve had an ocular headache (read: icepick to the eyeball) for four days, and I’m pretty much at my wit’s end. I wish it would turn into a migraine so that I could just get it over with.
This headache comes on top of all of my normal work stress, which is manageable, but also the crushing emotional burden of house-hunting, which is by far less manageable. House hunting is one of the worst things ever. Here’s why:
If you’re looking for a place to put down some roots, you have to take a long, hard look at your life and your finances. It brings up all sorts of questions, like What the f*ck am I doing with my life? Will I ever find some magical, mystical happiness? Will I ever not feel soul-crushingly poor?
Once you’ve come to terms with those large, mind-warping questions, you begin to seriously question how good of a person you are. All the up-and-coming neighborhoods seem risky or unpleasant. When did I become high-maintenance? Am I racist? All the cool, hip neighborhoods suddenly seem loud and obnoxious. When did I get old? Am I not cool anymore? Do I have friends?
And then…MLS emails. All day. Forever. Obsessively. You look at them every four seconds hoping for the perfect house to show up that your brain becomes the MLS. Every spare second you’re thinking about houses. Every time someone tries to talk to you, all you can talk about is houses. You can actually see the friends you do have slowly starting to hate you.
If you see a house you do like, don’t plan on sleeping that night. Instead, plan on tossing and turning in bed for hours agonizing over the idea that someone will buy it out from under you. But then you wake up from the worst sleep of your life the next morning, full of hope and lust for something so beautiful on screen! It’s the best high ever!
And then you scramble to rearrange your schedule to go see the property, and it’s shit. Complete and utter shit. Whoever paid their real estate photographer didn’t pay them enough. For god’s sake, the floors were so warped they looked like someone dropped a stone in a pond.
Lather, rinse, repeat for three months.